To Throw Yourself Away
by AliasDemon99
Summary: Can Sydney give herself up for Vaughn? Does he mean that much to her? And if she ever did, would he be able to rescue her from her worst fears in time?
1. Prologue

TITLE: To Throw Yourself Away  
  
AUTHOR: AliasDemon99  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
CLASS: Angst/General/Romance/Drama-a little bit of everything!!!  
  
PAIRINGS: Syd/Vaughn and Syd/Sark  
  
A/N: This is placed in the middle of "The Counteragent". This is just the beginning so dont worry cause it will get way scarier and more interesting later on! I promise! Don't forget to review!!!!!!  
  
DIS: Not Mine At All  
  
FEEDBACK: I live on it!!!!  
  
~~~~~~  
pRoLoGuE  
~~~~~~  
  
"Twenty seconds left Ms. Bristow." Sark taunted her.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Unfortunately, that offer is no longer good. You have wasted too much of my time to get off that easy. Instead,...I would like you to pleasure me for one night, and then we can talk business...And may I remind you, if you do not agree to this, you will be eaten away by these chemicals, and, the person that this little antidote here is for, will die."  
  
"What do you mean by "pleasure you"? Her suit was nearly eaten completely away and parts of her flesh were burning her to her very core. She knew she was in no way able to make wise decisions, but what could she do? Vaughn was her Guardian Angel, and now it was her turn to pay him back. She would honestly do anything for him...anything.  
  
"What I mean of course, is that you simply sleep with me one time, and you can have the antidote and go. I'm sure you understand, they must have taught you something in grade school." Sark smirked at himself.  
  
By now, tears were in Sydney's eyes as her skin was burned full-force. "F- FINE!" she yelped.  
  
And with that, Sark turned off the sprinkler system, sent her to get cleaned up in the decontamination room, and, booked his suite at the Ritz for one more night.... 


	2. Chapter One

~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter One  
  
~~~~~~~  
  
Vaughn yawned deeply and slowly and cautiously opened his eyes once again to the unpleasant fluorescent lights of the Naval Hospital. Turning to his side, he found not Sydney, but the other Bristow. Jack.  
  
"What happened?" It seemed to be a pretty appropriate question considering Jack was just sitting, staring, and not saying a word.   
  
Jack spoke abruptly, "About 45 hours ago, we received a package from an unknown sender. That package contained the antidote that Sydney was retrieving for you at a plant in Estonia. We administered the serum and you should be back on your feet within a day or so." Jack stonily recollected.  
  
"So,,...umm...where's Syd?"  
  
"That, you see, we are not sure of...She never..well, we lost contact with her during her mission. The last thing we heard before losing the connection was Sark's voice. He said something about...about some kind of "deal" we believe...But now, we have the cure serum, obviously, but we don't know where Sydney is. But, we are guessing Sark has got her." Jack shakily relayed.  
  
"What?!" Okay, now Vaughn was seriously thinking of giving Jack a good thump or to on the head, the man was obviously not thinking straight at all! Where were the search parties, the swat teams, and the highly trained agents???!!! Vaughn would have thought Jack would have the entire CIA force looking for Sydney by now!  
  
"Mr. Vaughn! She is my daughter and I assure you that we have all the necessary agents looking for her right this moment!" Jack fidgeted.  
  
"So what, we just sit here and wait around on our asses?!! Who knows how long it will be till those blockheads find her!" Vaughn couldn't Jack was only using CIA assets to find Sydney, when normally he would expect so much more. But then he realized what he had missed before,...Jack was on thin ice already with the CIA, one bad move and the CIA might just dump him altogether. And without the CIA looking, there would be no hope.  
  
"Yes, we just wait, unless you have a better idea Mr. Vaughn." Jack deadpanned.  
  
There was a long pause before Vaughn spoke again.  
  
"In fact, I do." 


	3. Chapter Two

~~~~  
  
To Throw Yourself Away  
  
Chapter 2  
  
~~~~  
  
"You say you have a plan?" Jack asked unbelievably. Vaughn was still recovering and might not be thinking straight afterall...  
  
"I think I do...but we can't discuss it here..." Vaughn suspiciously eyed the room's borders.  
  
"Fine,..tomorrow I can meet you at the warehouse at noon." Jack knew, of course, knew that this situation could not be discussed within the CIA's quarters where there could be cameras or listening devices.  
  
Vaughn nodded his head as Jack briskly walked out the door. Vaughn looked forward to returning home himself that evening. But with Sydney missing, he knew ho would get little or no sleep...  
  
~~~~  
  
"Okay Mr. Vaughn, what is your so-called plan?" Jack spit. He had not really meant his words to be as harsh as they were, but he couldn't help it. He could never control his emotions when his daughter was in trouble. It was his one problematic fault. Well, that and having no parenting skills whatsoever...  
  
Luckily, Vaughn understood and forgave. "Well, you say it was Sark who she was last heard with?"  
  
"Yes, that's right Mr. Sark at the chemical restoration center." Jack prompted.  
  
"Whatever deal this was, it was in exchange for the antidote. And obviously, Sydney fulfilled her side of the agreement because we got the antidote in the mail. My theory is, that Sark took her somewhere for her part to be completed, but then broke the deal by not letting her go when she was done. The problem is, we don't know what it was that Sydney agreed to. If we could find that out, we could find out that, we could be one step closer to finding her.  
  
"And how do you suggest we find this out?" Jack asked.  
  
"We ask the person that knows Sark like the back of her hand. His employer, Irina Derevko." Vaughn spoke with a certain confidence that made Jack hopeful that they might actually find Sydney very soon. Even after all these years, maybe Jack had never actually understood what the words, "False Hope" meant.....  
  
"That might actually work." Jack convinced.  
  
"Then let's go see her now." Vaughn left no room for conversation as he turned to leave, silently prompting Jack to follow. And he did. 


	4. Chapter Three

~~~~~~~  
To Throw Yourself Away  
  
Chapter 3  
~~~~~~~  
  
  
The two men entered the cell in dead silence. Both were running over what each planned to say to the one person that could possibly help them rescue Sydney. Her mother. For the past 30 minutes it took to reach the cell, each mind had been silently formatting a strategic conversation. A conversation to be as quick and as informative as possible. Every minute they spent talking, was another minute Sydney would, no doubt, have to spend hostage with Sark. This was definitely a matter that need to be handled carefully.  
  
Irina turned her head to greet the approaching footsteps. Jack and Vaughn stepped up to the glass carefully, still nervous about talking to this villain. But, anything for Sydney...  
Irina, no doubt, knew they had to be here for a reason important enough to call them both from their daily routines. It must be about Sydney. Irina especially fancied Michael Vaughn. He had obviously won her only daughter's heart, and she could see how. He was easily one of the most charming, intelligent, protective men she had ever had the grace of meeting. She recalled his father being the same way. Jack, on the other hand, she did not fancy quite so much. She knew he had a truly kind heart deep within him, but she still ditested him for spoiling their daughter's life. She had been the only thing stopping him from using Sydney in his so-called, Experiments, and when she left, there was no one and nothing to stop him. She had only wished health and happiness to the one being she had had part in creating, but Jack had ruined that the first chance he got. It still disgusted her to this day.  
  
Jack began the conversation abruptly. "We are here because one of your highest operatives, Mr. Sark, had kidnapped Sydney."  
  
"Sark kidnapped her?! When?!" Nothing could upset Irina more than a disloyal operative. She had specifically told Sark never to mess with her daughter, but he had obviously been to young and egotistical to listen. He would pay, the poor young fart he was. But what troubled Irina even more, was that she knew, with no doubt in her mind, Sark would want with Sydney. Sark had mentioned it once when she had purposely given him a light dose of truth serum during dinner. They had been talking about how Sydney was one of the best agents of the CIA and SD-6 and would be an asset to their organization. Sark had then reminded her that Sydney would never conspire to work for the enemy and that it might be wiser to just sleep with her himself and raise her kid into their organization. She had yelled at him and sent him to be locked up for 36 hours.  
  
"Two days ago, when Sydney was on a mission to retrieve the antidote for me in Estonia, she was caught by Sark. Last we heard, she was formulating some sort of deal with him to get the cure. Then, we lost contact. Do you know what he did with her, do you know where he would keep her?" Vaughn begged.  
  
"Sark would only want two things from Sydney that I know of. One, he would want her to work for him. Two...well two...there's no easy way to put this but...he would want a child from her if she refused to work for him." Irina fidgeted.  
  
"He would want to sleep with her?!!!" Both men yelled in unison. 


	5. Chapter Four

*  
Chapter Four  
  
*  
  
  
  
"He would want to sleep with her?!!!" Both men yelled in unison.  
  
  
*  
Meanwhile  
*  
  
  
  
The small quarters of the cell made Sydney itch to run. Never had she felt so confined and distanced from the outside world. But the worst feeling she had was the feeling of uncleanliness. She felt unbelievably dirty for what she had just done. Even if she did get to take a shower some time soon she would still feel this way. It was not the type of feeling you could just wash away, it was one of such horrible substance that you needed to scrub and scrub until your skin turned raw and then scrub some more. Sleeping with the enemy. If her dad ever found out about what she had ;just done,...well, lets just say she knew it wouldn't be too pretty. In his mind, there was nothing lower for a person to do than sleep with the enemy. And right about now, Sydney was starting to agree with him.  
  
"Why won't you just let me go Sark?" Sydney pleaded mercifully for about the tenth time. "I completed my part of the agreement. You can't just hold me here like this! You promised to let me leave!"   
  
"Ah,...yes, I also completed my part of the deal. I sent your precious antidote out the morning after our little...rendezvous. But, I still refuse to let you leave until you agree to my new terms. They are quite simple, really. All you have to do is stay here as my hostage for a little while longer. And when I feel that the time is right, I will let you go and never bother you again." Sark promised.  
  
"No way! I want to go home Sark! Haven't you taken enough from me already?!" Sydney was on the verge of tears, but was also fuming at Sark. It was a combination she felt all to often.  
  
"I'm sorry Sydney, I can't let you do that. Goodnight, and sleep well." And with that, Sark turned to walk toward the exit remorselessly.  
  
But before he had made it two feet, Sydney was on him. She flung her right leg out to kick him but missed dreadfully. Backing off slightly to regain her composure, Sydney launched herself at Sark again, only to be greeted by the nose of a stungun to her stomach that knocked her back down to rest on the ground. Sark left unharmed.  
  
After a few minutes of trying to steady her breathing after the stun, Sydney sat up and hoisted herself onto the steely metal bed in the corner of the room. It was the only thing in the room besides a small, makeshift toilet and the locked door.  
  
Trying to make herself comfortable, she changed positions more times than she could count, each time avoiding laying on any part of her stomach, for it ached with a throbbing power emitted only by a stun gun.  
  
Finally, Sydney allowed herself to cry for the first time in many weeks. It felt wonderful to at last relieve herself of the unavoidable stress.   
  
After the crying began to subside, Sydney allowed her mind to wander far beyond the tight walls of her chamber to a certain gentleman. Vaughn. One thought continued to grasp her attention as she lay thinking about him. 'What would he think of her now?' She knew everyone else would most likely been outraged and disgusted by her sloppy effort to save a life. She could almost hear them saying those very words. She had indeed disgraced them, she had to admit that much. But what about Vaughn? Would he feel the same way? Or perhaps he would be a little proud, definitely grateful.  
  
Another few hours passed, Sydney deep in thought the entire time. This time, she was thinking about how she would escape. Maybe Vaughn and her father would come rescue her. Maybe she would find a way to escape herself. Maybe she would be stuck here until Sark decided to let her go.  
  
She thought what he was doing, just keeping her captive like this, was very strange. She couldn't figure out what he was up to, no matter how hard and long she thought. It all seemed so ridiculous. Even to her, even to double-agent Sydney Bristow. How ironic.  
  
  
  
*  
Meanwhile (Again)  
At the Joint Task Force Offices (CIA)  
*  
  
  
  
"I need three tickets to London, England please.....yes, for today......as soon as possible....right....okay......thank you, we'll be there in about 30 minutes......" Jack spoke gruffly into his cell phone.  
  
"We've got a flight in an hour, lets get going." Jack promoted Irina and Vaughn to follow him.  
  
"Irina, I trust, since this concerns Sydney, that you will behave yourself. We have no time to get a new C-4 necklace, so don't try anything funny." Jack sneered at Irina.  
  
"Of course Jack." Irina responded just as coldly.  
  
Irina had just disclosed the location where Sark would most likely take Sydney. The three of them were off to rescue her and bring her back safely. It was all so patriotic.  
  
*   
7 hours later,  
London, England  
*  
  
  
Sydney had finally nodded off to sleep only to be suddenly jolted awake by thundering footsteps outside her chamber.  
  
She slowly managed to count each separate pair of feet. There were three.  
  
**  
  
REVIEW!!! 


	6. Chapter Five

*  
Chapter Five  
*  
  
**  
  
Sydney had finally nodded off to sleep only to be suddenly jolted awake by thundering footsteps outside her chamber.  
  
She slowly managed to count each separate pair of feet. There were three.  
  
**  
  
The three sets of footsteps approached Sydney's door quickly. In stepped Sark accompanied by two burly thugs. The thugs carried ropes and rough wire ties discreetly in their big hands. Sydney could pretty much guess what they were for.  
  
A few minutes later, Sydney found herself in a new room, tied tautly with the ropes and wire to a steel-like chair. This new room had no windows and only a single steel-enforced door with numerous deadbolt locks. Her escape routes were more limited than ever.  
  
Why they had suddenly decided to torture her was far beyond her knowledge. She had not done anything out of what a person in her situation would do. 'Sark must be getting bored, with no one to torture. I'm sure he is at a terrible loss of things to do.' Sydney thought sarcastically. What a sick guy...  
  
Just then, the single door squeaked open to reveal Sark and his two favorite thugs. The trio walked quietly into the sparse room.  
  
To her left side, Sydney noticed the only piece of furniture besides her chair in the room. There was yet another steel-looking table holding a vast array of dangerous tools of the trade. Torture weapons, to, no doubt, be used on her.  
  
Preparing herself for the worst, Sydney clamped her teeth together and readied them for gritting, always making sure Sark was unaware of her fearful tactics.  
  
"I think you would be a better use to us if you were a bit more disciplined, Sydney dear. So here I am." Sark opened his arms in a presenting action.  
  
"Oh goodie." Sydney tried her best to seem unafraid. But inside, her heart was bouncing around in her ribcage and her stomach was churning slowly.  
  
"I'm so glad you feel that way, love." Sark spat back. "It's nice to know I won't be the only one enjoying this."  
  
And with that, Sark summoned his guards to Sydney's side.  
  
***  
Hours later  
***  
  
"Where are you Jack?" Irina questioned the dark, musty air around her.  
  
"Right here." Jack crawled up beside her with Vaughn at his heels.  
  
Suddenly, small sounds began swooping themselves through the air vent where the three rescuers were roaming.  
  
"Shh..." Irina warned.  
  
As they listened closer, they were able to hear small, frail moans emitting from further down the shaft.  
  
Irina, Jack, and Vaughn crawled slowly toward the noise, until they found themselves atop an airvent, above a room containing a chair, with Sydney's limp form occupying it.  
  
Looking closely, Irina was not able to see anyone else in the room. "Sydney!" she hissed at her daughter carefully.  
  
There was no response.  
  
Unscrewing the vent was quite simple and within a few minutes, the three rescuers were dropping themselves carefully from the high vent. Vaughn went first, followed by Jack and last Irina.  
  
Vaughn's first glimpse of Sydney would be one he would remember for the rest of his life, It would haunt his dreams and scar his mind forever. 


	7. Chapter Six

*  
Chapter Six  
*  
  
  
  
Vaughn's first glimpse of Sydney would be one he would remember for the rest of his life, It would haunt his dreams and scar his mind forever.  
  
*  
  
  
Sydney sat limply in the chair, her head hung to the side, unconscious. There were several large bruises already forming on her pale face. The purply-hue of them disguising her normally vivid features. Dried blood was crusting from several large gashes on her forehead and cheeks. One of her arms was definitely broken, for it hung strangely from her shoulder joint to her handcuffed wrist. More bloody gashes covered her arms, caking them with dried blood as well. On her neck, there were strange markings, most likely burns. No doubt, there were more wounds being covered by her blue jeans.   
  
"Oh my God.) Vaughn said under his breath. He recovered from his disbelief and rushed to Sydney's side. Pulling a silver pocket-knife from his shirt, Vaughn began sawing through the rope that bound her to the chair.  
  
"How could he do this...." Irina whispered incredulously.  
  
Jack said nothing, too terrified to speak.  
  
Irina moved to her daughter's side just as Vaughn finished with the wire. Putting her palm to her daughter's cheek, Irina closed her eyes, promising that Sark would pay for what he had inflicted upon Sydney.  
  
Vaughn grasped Sydney fragile hand in his own, remembering the day he did the same thing, or rather she held his hand at the pier. So gentle, it had been the calm of the storm. Those days seemed so wonderful and simple compared to the present.  
  
Finally, when Irina had stood from her position on the floor and Vaughn had lifted Sydney from the hard chair and into his arms, Jack was still staring, lost in a world of his own shock. Making sure Vaughn had a good hold on her daughter, Irina moved cautiously toward Jack.  
  
"Jack, we have to go now." Irina tested carefully.  
  
"Right...Of course." Jack snapped out of his semi-trance suddenly and followed Vaughn and Irina out of the steel-enforced door.  
  
"We have to be very quiet and extremely careful." Irina told her companions, "There could be guards around any corner, so keep your eyes open." She looked toward Jack pointedly. Satisfied he was paying attention, she lead the way through a mess of halls, unsure of where an exit might be located.  
  
After several minutes of aimless walking, and only two guards taken down by Irina, an exit came into sight. Opening the door revealed the sun and the calm world again.   
  
Jack was able to secure a CIA issue private jet and the group settled into its cargo hold.  
  
Sydney was laid down on the few small blankets they had and was treated quickly. Irina sterilized all of hr wounds, while Jack set her arm to the best of his abilities. Vaughn made pick-up and hospitalization arrangements on his cell phone, throwing a worried glance Sydney's way every few seconds.  
  
Midway through the flight, Sydney's head was in her mother's lap as they flew over the ocean.  
  
Abruptly, Sydney awoke, screaming at the top of her lungs, "No! Please no more! No..nonononononoonnoo...Please Sark! Stop! No more..." The screaming turned to an unsteady whimper.  
  
"Shh...Sydney you're safe now Sweety." Irina soothed.  
  
Sydney opened her eyes weakly to the sound of her mother's voice, "Mommy?" she asked apprehensively.  
  
"Yes dear, I'm here. Everything is going to be alright." Irina assured her, smiling sadly.  
  
"Sydney?" Vaughn asked walking from his seat on a crate, "Are you awake?"  
  
"Vaughn?" Sydney moved her eyes toward his voice.  
  
"Yeah Syd, I'm right here." He bent down beside her, putting his hand on her unbroken arm.  
  
Irina ran her hand over Sydney's forehead in a soothing motion that only a mother would be able to do. Only a mother...  
  
"Is Daddy here?" Sydney searched the room as best as she could from her place on the floor.  
  
"I'm here sweetheart." Jack put a weak smile on his face as he approached his daughter. He stood over her, still forcing a smile for her sake.  
  
Suddenly, Sydney's face fell. "What's wrong Syd?" Vaughn asked hurriedly.  
  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let him hurt me." Sydney whimpered, falling into her unconscious world once again.  
  
*  
TBC-REVIEW!!!  
* 


	8. Chapter Seven

TITLE: To Throw Yourself Away  
AUTHOR: AliasDemon99  
A/N: I had kinda forgotton about my stories, but I was reminded by a certain reviewer.  
This chapter is dedicated to that kind reviewer, SoccaSweetie17.  
~  
  
Chapter Eight: Falling Forward  
  
~  
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let him hurt me." Sydney whimpered, falling into her unconscious world once again. ~  
  
Sydney awoke to find herself in a large bed with brightly decorated sheets. Surveying her unfamiliar surroundings, Sydney found she was in a room not like a hospital, but greatly resembling a house.  
  
The last few days were all a blur, details confused in her mind.   
  
Her broken arm was in a sling, wrapped with cream-colored bandages. Her legs, arms, and forehead stung from the antiseptic she remembered from her childhood injuries. Her neck throbbed with a hot ache caused, no doubt, by the severe burns she now sported unwillingly.  
  
Sydney winced briefly, causing herself even more pain from the bruising on her cheeks. Sark had really battered her this time around. But the most important question was, where on earth was she now?  
  
Slowly and unsteadily, Sydney used her abdominal muscles to raise herself into a sitting position. Looking around the room, she felt like Little Red Riding hood in Grandma's old house.   
  
Looking down at herself, Sydney saw fresh clothes, a loose pair of cotton shorts that failed to veil her wounds, and an equally loose T-shirt.  
  
Getting to her feet, Sydney opened the only door in the room, and old wooden one, revealing a long hallway.  
  
Sydney faintly remembered being in some sort of plane, but the rest remained hazy.  
  
The hallway opened into a spacious living room, completely furnished with two large couches and a grand fireplace. On one of the couches sat two people, of which Sydney could only see the backs of.  
  
Suddenly feeling lightheaded, Sydney leaned carefully against a wall for support as the room spun around her. Just as she was about to fall, Sydney saw Vaughn enter on the opposite side of the living room.  
  
"Sydney!" Vaughn rushed to her as she began to slip, catching her gently in his arms.  
  
Sydney closed her eyes, willing the room to stop it's rotation. When she opened them, she saw her mother and father had turned to look from their places on the couch, both occupying a distressed expression.  
  
Realizing Vaughn was still holding her up, Sydney tried to free herself and stand up on her own, not wanting to seem weak to them.  
  
When Vaughn offered, Sydney put her arm over his shoulders for aid on the way to the couch.  
  
Vaughn sat her down next to her parents, taking an empty seat for himself across from them.  
  
"Where are we?" Sydney squeaked, eyeing the room more closely.   
  
"We're in a safehouse in New York," Jack answered carefully, "Our plane was having engine trouble so we had to stop until repairs could be made. It should be fixed in a few hours and we can return home to LA."  
  
"Oh." Sydney attempted to smile, but again upset her bruised face, making her smile turn itself into an inevitable wince.  
  
The four sat silently, not sure if the subject of her stay at Sark's base was needed to be brought up.  
  
Irina grasped Sydney's hand with her own, "Sydney....do you think, ..do you want to talk about what happened?" Irina asked shakily.  
  
Sydney, unsure if they knew about what she did in return for the cure, looked away, formulating a response. Instead of finding a plausible one though, Sydney felt heavy tears spring to her eyes. Afraid that if she opened her mouth to answer, tears would only come, she remained placid.  
  
Jack left the room abruptly, returning with a glass of water and pain pills that Sydney excepted gratefully.  
  
A few more minutes passed before Irina spoke again, "Sydney. Did...did Sark...rape you?" Her eyes welled with tears.  
  
Sydney looked away, shaking her head. "No..." She choked out. "I let him...in exchange for the antidote." She looked away, feeling the awful sensation of everyone's eyes baring into her.  
  
Jack closed his eyes, as did Vaughn as the men shared a silent prayer. Even through his thick shell, Jack felt stubborn tears behind his eyes and ended up wiping a few away.  
  
Vaughn was more than heartbroken. The woman he loved, yes, LOVED, had sacrificed so much for him.  
  
Irina was shaking, her own tears succumbing to sobs.  
  
Everyone sat, for several more minutes, silently crying.  
  
And just when they all thought the worst was over, the safehouse door burst open, setting off uncountable alarms, and revealing a stormy Sark in the doorway.  
  
~  
  
TBC! REvieW!!!  
  
~ 


End file.
